My Story: The Incapability of My Narcissistic Mother's Love

 

My Story: The Incapability of My Narcissistic Mother's Love

 After years of verbal abuse I now understood why my mother wasn't capable of loving me. Who and what she perceived to be was all in her imagination. Obviously, her image of herself and how others perceived her to be was imperative that she was willing to demise whoever got in her way through manipulation, lying, and abuse. A normal mothers’ love is a healthy unconditional love that requires a bonding beyond the surface appearance and behavior of someone. A normal mothers’ love is soul based, meaning- she loves you regardless of what was said or happen. Sadly, my ‘holy ghost filled’ ‘fire-baptized’ narcissistic mother doesn’t know the meaning or the feeling of unconditional love.

 My mother rarely said the words “I Love You.” In replace my siblings and I got devilish glares, name calling, lies and her jealous rage. After the confrontation with my mother I begged her twice for her and I to spend time together alone-and have a ‘girls day’ together (you know like: nails, hair, pedicure, & shopping). She reject both times. I was extremely hurt and confuse to why my mother would reject of spending time with her own seed.

 It wasn’t until the year of 2013 at 3 o’clock am when I woke up from a disturbing dream about my mother (which will be posted soon- stay tuned :-) and immediately asked God why my mother wasn’t capable of loving me. While in bed I grabbed my cell phone and typed in the words ‘why my mother doesn’t love me’ in the search engine. The word ‘narcissism’ popped up immediately. This was my first time ever reading about this. Every article I read described my mother to the utmost. I cried all night because I finally discovered what my mother really was. I gracefully and thankfully got out of bed and kneeled down while praying and praising God for what was just found. 

 What I didn't understand about my mother as a child and as a young adult, I now understand because God has brought it to light. Even if it took unlocking forbidden doors to understand why the years of hurt and pain, I was on a mission of finding out more about narcissism.

 Below is a video that describes why those who suffers from narcissism aren't capable of loving: